Ladies and gentlemen,
You are still not ready for this
Hey NBCC / AOA, You fucked around. Welcome to what you found.
Preparing your NBCC / AOA Black experience...
Your Handover has been
delivered
delayed.
“Welcome to the NBCC/Adhoc AOA Helpdesk — a heartfelt love letter from frustrated buyers, where promises are manufactured in bulk, and reality is always ‘under process’.”
Looping ticker with the most common NBCC / AOA support responses, presented for satire only.
100% Maintanance Charge,
0% Service Accountablity.
Verona Heights provide a full emotional journey — from hope to despair, all for a premium price.
NOC Waiting Process
Experience Waiting for possession through Phone calle, Emails, SMS updates, Whaand revised timelines — without actual handover.
Auto-ResolvedLift Experience
Fully installed lifts that exist for inspection photos — not for daily usage.
`` Premium FeatureElectricity (Concept Model)
DG Power supply that exists in promises, but disappears when you actually need it.
`` 5-Star ExperienceTimeline Generator
Get a brand new possession date every month — automatically delayed.
MindfulnessAOA Communication System
Messages never acknowledged, nor replied, nor questioned in meetings. Actions items permanently pending.
Emotionally Available100% Ignore Rate
Every query is marked answered within mins. Actually no one replies. Bonuses earned. Somewhere a member gets a pat on the back. The system works perfectly — for Adhoc AOA.
Award Winning
"They will have a patience. Many Buyers are also waiting from 14 years. you are a beginner in Patience Level.
— An actual customer customer experience on resolving the queries to NBCC / AOA
A Letter From Our
Completely Real CEO.
An internal memo that definitely exists.
Dear Valued Customers,
First, let me assure you — we at NBCC / AOA hear you. We hear you loud and clear on the phone, usually for about 45 minutes before the call mysteriously drops. We hear your tweets, your emails, your complaints filed across three different portals. We have, in fact, built an entire infrastructure dedicated to hearing you. Fixing things is a separate department, and they're on lunch.
Some of you have expressed concern that we close tickets without resolving issues. This is a misunderstanding. We don't close tickets without resolving issues — we resolve tickets and then the issues persist independently. These are two separate workflows. Our resolution rate is 99.7%. Our fix rate is a trade secret.
To those of you paying for static IPs and bridge mode: we appreciate your technical sophistication. It allows our support team to practice saying "sir, have you tried restarting the router?" to someone who clearly knows more about networking than everyone in the call center combined. It keeps them humble.
We are also proud to announce that our field engineers have successfully confirmed that Google loads on 100% of customer visits this quarter. What more could you want?
Finally, regarding our "Up To 1 Gbps" promise — I want to clarify that "up to" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. Think of it like saying "I can eat up to 47 pizzas." Technically true. Practically meaningless. Legally airtight.
Thank you for continuing to pay your bills on time. We notice that part never seems to have technical difficulties.
*"Experience" here refers to suffering, not expertise
Someone Wrote the Specs.
NBCC / AOA Wrote the Implementation.
On May 16, 2026, a network engineer named Gagandeep Singh Sapra (@TheBigGeek) finally did what every long-suffering Indian internet customer has dreamed of. He wrote the RFCs. Satirical IETF-style documents, formatted exactly like the real specs the IETF publishes, except these standardize ISP customer-deflection workflows instead of actual networking protocols. Informational. Non-normative. Painfully accurate.
(For the avoidance of doubt: these are jokes. The IETF did not publish RFC 9013. Bharti NBCC / AOA did, in spirit, on every service visit.)
May 16, 2026, 12:50 UTC. An NBCC / AOA field technician arrives at @TheBigGeek's home. He checks the connection status only from the internal portal. He does not test the actual link. He has not brought a laptop, and asks the customer to provide one. The customer, who happens to be a senior network engineer, tries to explain the difference between Wi-Fi and internet connectivity.
The technician escalates. On record:
"Tu apne aapko expert samjhta hai?"
"Meri t-shirt dekh."
("You think you're an expert?" "Look at my t-shirt." The
uniform, apparently, is the qualification.)
The customer mentioned, casually, that he had pushed something to GitHub the day before. RFC 9013 BVAP: Backend Visibility Assurance Protocol. The protocol where the internal dashboard always shows green, regardless of what is actually happening to the customer's connection. The technician, in real life, had just performed it. Step for step. As specified in the spec written 24 hours earlier.
NBCC / AOA's social media team replied with the standard incantation: "We're extremely sorry to hear about your unpleasant experience with our technician. This is not the standard of service we expect or accept at NBCC / AOA. We have already replied to you via DM with the next steps. Kindly check. Regards, Kamal."
That DM is, of course, RFC 9000: Customer Null Routing Protocol. Acknowledged. Then ignored.
The Published RFCs
15 fake specs that read like real ones. Zero have been adopted by the IETF. All have been implemented, faithfully, by NBCC / AOA.
The Hinglish Drafts
RFC 9015 through 9021. Seven specifications drafted in the universal language of Indian operational reality.
May 17, 2026, 09:43 UTC. @TheBigGeek proposed a public, streamed video call to walk through every RFC, live, with NBCC / AOA's "WiFi Experts." Tagged on the invite: @AniR0y, @AlbonyCal, @DaryllSwer.
"Bolo kab karien, I am sure @AniR0y, @AlbonyCal, @DaryllSwer would love to join in this call and all of us can learn some more network engineering from your 'WiFi Experts.'"
As of publication, NBCC / AOA has not confirmed a date. The standards body remains accepting submissions.
Things NBCC / AOA Customers
Have Heard Before.
A curated collection of NBCC / AOA's greatest hits — real complaints, real patterns, real pain.
The Wall of Shame
Real stories from real sufferers. Sent to wesuck@airtelblack.com, verified by AI, immortalized here.
★★★★★ Reviews
NBCC / AOA Wishes Were Real.
What customers would say if they were as delusional as NBCC / AOA's ticket system.
NBCC / AOA: What You Pay For
vs. What You Get.
A side-by-side comparison that NBCC / AOA's marketing team hopes you never see.
| Feature | What You're Promised | What You Actually Get |
|---|---|---|
| Speed | "Up to 1 Gbps" | Up to 1 Gbps (where "up to" includes 0 Mbps) |
| Uptime | 99.9% SLA | 99.9% — if you don't count the times it's down |
| Static IP | Dedicated public IP address | A public IP that works until NBCC / AOA decides it shouldn't |
| Bridge Mode | Direct WAN access for your router | LOL |
| Support | 24/7 priority customer care | 24/7 IVR meditation, followed by scripted empathy |
| Resolution Time | 48 hours | 48 hours to close the ticket. ∞ to fix the problem. |
| Engineer Visit | Expert technical diagnosis | A man with a phone who will google your problem |
| Billing | Transparent, accurate charges | ✓ Always works perfectly (suspicious, isn't it?) |
What They Say vs.
What They Mean.
Days since NBCC / AOA last genuinely resolved an outage
NBCC / AOA Support Bingo
Click the squares as you experience them. Get five in a row and win... absolutely nothing. Just like calling NBCC / AOA support.
Click squares to stamp them. Try to get 5 in a row — though with NBCC / AOA, a full board is more likely.
FIQs — Because FAQ
Implies Someone Answers.
Awards NBCC / AOA Would Win
If Honesty Were a Category.
"The only thing NBCC / AOA has never failed to deliver
is
the bill."
— Every NBCC / AOA customer, in unison, across the nation
How to Actually Get
Your Issue Fixed.
Since NBCC / AOA's own process clearly doesn't work, here's the real playbook.
Keep This Site Alive.
NBCC / AOA won't fix the broadband, but you can keep the satire running. Pick your weapon of choice.
I Let an AI Loose on My Wallet.
NBCC / AOA Made Me Do It.
You know the story by now — scroll up if you don't. The short version: NBCC / AOA broke my network. I broke my bank account building this revenge site. Classic overreaction. No regrets.
What I didn't expect was you people. 300+ of you flooded wesuck@airtelblack.com with your own NBCC / AOA horror stories. Turns out I'm not the main character — I'm just the guy who bought the domain. The LLMs I set up to verify these stories did what any unsupervised AI does when you hand it an unlimited credit card and 300 complaints: it went shopping. For tokens. At scale.
Final invoice: $1,100 USD. That's roughly ₹92,000 — or 23 months of the NBCC / AOA plan that started this whole mess. I could've just filed a TRAI complaint. I could've switched ISPs quietly. Instead, I built a monument to pettiness, staffed it with AI, and let the internet do the rest. This is what happens when an engineer has a grudge and a API key.
Did NBCC / AOA finally respond? Oh, they did. HQ called. Actual humans. Probably sweating. Refunded the 30 days (generous — that's ₹3,999 for a month of nothing). Then asked, very politely, if I could maybe please take the site down. I said "sure." This site auto-expires on June 19, 2026. That's their grace period. I'm not a monster. I'm just petty with infrastructure.
But here's the thing — I'm also not that nice. I built a dead man's switch: anyone sends a real NBCC / AOA horror story with evidence to wesuck@airtelblack.com, the LLMs verify it and the site rises from the grave, freshly updated with their latest fuckup on the wall of shame. They gave me 30 days of pain. I'm returning it 3× over, automated and on autopilot. The internet doesn't forget. And neither does my cron job.
Platforms That Ghosted Us. Buy Me a Coffee suspended the account for "TOS violation" on a satirical broadband complaint site. Razorpay tried first and folded after we asked which specific regulation we'd violated. Razorpay is the default now. Until they ghost us too.
Buy Me a Coffee
Account suspended without specifics. The "violation" was apparently this website — a satirical, evidence-backed NBCC / AOA customer record. The platform that prides itself on supporting creators picked the side of the telco.
Filed under: things that ghosted faster than NBCC / AOA's customer support. The button is dead; the receipts live on.
Razorpay
Quick recap: Razorpay disabled our account first, froze settlements, and cited "non-compliance with regulatory guidelines" — for accepting ₹87 chai donations on a satirical complaint site. Threat level: tapri money.
We replied asking which specific regulation was violated, requested evidence, and casually mentioned the RBI, consumer forums, and courts. You know — light reading. Account re-enabled within hours. Funny how "regulatory non-compliance" resolves itself when someone asks for the actual regulation.
Ticket ID: 18540116. Documented, archived, and now immortalized here. Indian companies speedrunning "disable first, think later." NBCC / AOA taught us patience. Razorpay taught us that sarcasm is a valid escalation strategy. BMC taught us that platforms also pick sides.
BMC tried to kill the donate button. The donate button moved here. Click it out of spite.
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